This Time Imperfect
by DXM Junkie
Summary: On Saturday she was a cheerful girl. By Friday she was a suicidal runaway, sitting on a beach wondering if she would ever be innocent again. Rape. Complete.
1. Chapter One: Sunday

**This Time Imperfect **

Chapter One: _Sunday_

:---:

It began as a beautiful dream.

My life that is.

Like an innocent children's tale with love surrounding every person and hope for the future wasn't just a passing glance. Sure my mother had left me, but I knew that she loved me and watched over me even in death.

I had my best friend, Tomoyo, and I had my family.

Then I found out about the Clow cards and soon enough I had Kero and Yue who would die to protect me. I also had Syaoran Li. I love him more than anyone else. I thought I loved Yukito, but that was false.

The days were warm and full of life back then.

School exams were the only worries that I truly had, especially since the Clow cards were reborn into Sakura cards, their magic holding under my very own star.

Then, as one faze enters another, my brother had a party well my father was away.

He told me to stay in my room and do homework, and being the child I was, I blubbered but obeyed after he promised that he would buy me and Kero ice cream the next day.

I had even been a good little girl and told Kero to go to sleep inside the book till I woke him up just in case someone came in on accident. I had put the book away in my desk and grabbed the phone.

Tomoyo and I had a brief conversation… But then it happened.

And I was only fourteen…

_:I didn't hear him come into my room…:_

That is such a young and tender age. You trust anyone and everyone and have faith in people. Now that I think about it, I was so dumb. But with ignorance is bliss… With innocence is faith…

_:Walking towards my bed with drunken lust in his pale gray eyes…:_

I had just had my first kiss with Syaoran three weeks before. He had tasted like popcorn because we were at a film, but I remember how warm I felt. My cheeks must had been as red as his because he put his hand on my cheek and when we turned back to the movie we were watching I felt like I could have never been happier. Tomoyo and I had giggled about it well watching an old western movie. I had told her that I was going to stay pure for him…

_:His hands were clammy as they forced my mouth shut. My eyes dashed in fear. I saw my alarm clock flash 2:17. Tears welded in my eyes and he began to force his hands all around me._

_I remember that my body burned as he entered me and that I had cried out only to get slapped. He must have had a ring on or something because that slap hurt a lot._

_I murmured for him to stop as he started pumping… Thoughts crazed through my head as if I was the one who was dead drunk. Images of Tomoyo and Syaoran and Touya telling me to behave made me want to throw up._

_I could see my father as he left to his trip to Europe telling us to 'be good.' I remember he had a picture of mother in his hands. As this unknown person plunged deeper and deeper into me, as though he was touching my stomach on the inside, it didn't occur to me to call to Kero for help.:_

It was all a dream before that night…

I wish that it had never ended.

I didn't stay pure for Syaoran. I didn't stay innocent. All most innocent… I had betrayed him so badly and all's I could think about was his warm amber eyes.

_: After he left me lying on my bed, I cried.:_

I could see the wind running through his brown hair and his sweet laugh. I could feel his arms around my body and smell his cologne.

_: I cried for so long that I eventually cried myself to sleep.:_

I now wish that I had never woken up from that uneasy slumber.

_: Syaoran turned around and smiled at me again. He waved and held out his hand towards me._

_  
"Sakura-Chan!" :_

But I did.


	2. Chapter Two: Monday

**This Time Imperfect**

Chapter Two: _Monday_

I sat on the edge ofmy bed in my room quietly. My room is dark thoughI know that it's early morning, and quiet though outside is already alive and buzzing.

I hold a pink card in my hand, and I watch as my bony and delicate fingers ran up and down the card, framing the picture. My name, along with Syaoran's, were messily scribbled under the words, _"Hope."_

I had noticed that the card was a little darker pink than the rest of my deck long ago, but now that seemed to be more the truth than ever.

Looking around, I shiver.

My naked body have goosebumps all over and my feet and hands feel numb. This room that had cradled me and comforted me for so many years now felt cold, and barren.

The usual snores of Kero and the familiar ticking of her clock were absent as well for Kero was asleep in the book and whoever had done this tome had brokenmy alarm clock on the wall.

I could still see the clocks bright numbers… _: 2:17 :_

For a while I just sat there in a stupor. I was so used to having someone save me; someone always come to my rescue, but the night it mattered the most, no one had came.

That was partially my fault though.

I knew that Yukito would be really drunk so that would affect Yue as well, plus I knew what I was doing when I told Kero to go into the book. I knew the risks but they hadn't mattered. The world had been perfectly fine to me at that point, just the day before.

"Sakura-chan!" My brothers voice calls up to me. He was standing at the bottom of the stairs. I didn't respond. I couldn't find my voice. It was as if the silence had consumed me after all of the screaming.

"Your stupid boyfriend is here to take you to school!" He shouted when I didn't reply.

I looked down. I wasn't even dressed. My nakedness showed bruises, and I felt soar between my legs.

_:His breath tickled on my neck and his deep moan made me sick. I felt his hands run over my bare chest and down my stomach. I tried to press my legs shut but he forcefully opened them and I felt his cold fingers enter me. _

_Shaking violently I told him to stop but the smell of alcohol in the air told me that that wasn't going to happen.:_

Standing up, I walked over to my door. Opening it just a tad, my eyes stung from the sudden light. I had not realized my room was so dark.

"I-I'm not feeling very well! I just vomited so I don't think I will go to school today."

Touya stared at me for a moment, than I saw him look over at Syaoran.I closed the door butI could still the confused looks they were giving one another. I rarely ever missed school because of sick days. I knew that Syaoran thought I might truly be sick, and was already considered stopping over later that night with some flowers to cheer me up, but I didn't know what Touya was thinking. Probably that I had taken some alcohol from the teenagers.

The small party he had planned to have had gone was out of proportion when people even he didn't know started to show up. I think he was really guilty because I had been in my room all night, so that is proably why he would let me stay home.

Later, he would proably berate me softly for taking the alcohol.

Istared atmy door for a momentand walked to my bed, curling into a little ball like an animal.

My whole body was shaking again, so violently that my lower back was beginning to ache. After a few moments of just laying there, I decided that I wouldn't be able to sleep any time soon so I stood up and trudged to the bathroom.

"I can't see him today." I told myself softly as I ran the water for the bath. Stepping in I felt the hot water prick my skin painfully but I didn't care. It was warm and I was not.

I let my body soak in the tub for a good half hour, then sat and scrubbed my skin.

_:His fingers touched my arms, my legs, my whole body… I had never felt so dirty in my entire life.:_

Tears also pricked my eyes and I scrubbed harder. Soon my skin was an unhealthy red and my body felt raw. I finally broke down and cried again.

"I can't face him today…" I whimpered, sinking into the water. I couldn't. He would ask too many questions, act like everything was how it was just yesterday morning at school. I looked into the mirror and almost flinched.

My green eyes looked so dark, so...hopeless. I didn't really know what to do except to cry and wish the pain would go away.

"_Syaoran! Please make it stop!" _


	3. Chapter Three: Tuesday

**This Time Imperfect**

Chapter Three: _Tuesday_

:---:

I walked to school by myself an hour early.

My footsteps were slow and forced, my cheery rhythm nonexistent. The night before I had received five or six calls from either Tomoyo or Syaoran.

I hadn't answered any of them. I had been feeling a little better after a good five more hours of sleep, but the feeling wasn't near happiness. It was more numbness.

Beside my bed I had found an empty condom wrapper which at least gives me comfort that he used protection. The last thing I could have handled was a pregnancy.

I couldn't imagine how my Dad or Syaoran would look at me if I had to tell them. Their eyes would be so betrayed. During dinner the pain had finally gone away between my legs so I considered calling Syaoran and Tomoyo and apologizing to them but then Touya had to come in and yell at me.

He accused me of getting drunk at the party with his friends.

He then rattled on about how I had better be lucky that this was the first time he knew about me getting drunk so he let me stay home all day with a hangover.

It stung a lot to have him say those words, firstly because they were not true and I couldn't believe my own brother would accuse me of such things, but also because I knew I couldn't tell him the truth.

The truth would hurt him to much and make him feel to guilty.

The sun shined through the trees as I walked through the park. It was only a little glimpse of sun from the crisp early morning air. I used to love walking to school early to see how pretty the rising sun was but now I don't feel the same.

The tree's that had once mesmerized me looked dull and boring. The sun shining just wasn't beautiful anymore. I think about turning around, heading home.

Then I think about how hard it will be, facing everyone. I realize though that I can't try to skip out of school forever.

I see the school yard when I see Tomoyo and Syaoran standing at the entrance. They are standing really close to one another, almost touching, and whispering about something.

A dark pit of self-doubt seeds inside me but I push it away. 'One step at a time.' I tell myself. Syaoran sees me walking towards them and he rushes over, his voice calling out my name.

He walks over and his eyes hold worry.

It feels weird though because that look used to melt my heart and give me butterfly's, now it only annoys me.

A spike of fear streaks through me. Am I losing my feelings for him? Will this whole ordeal tear our relationship apart? I tremble but he doesn't seem to notice.

I think Tomoyo does though because she walks behind him.

"Are you alright, Sakura? I got so worried when you never returned my calls…"

These words don't really him me but I take a small nod and force a smile. "I'm just not feeling great right now." I say.

His eyes burn deeper into my soul as he lifts his hand to my forehead. "Are you still feeling sick? Do you need to go home again?"

For a moment I consider it. Deeply consider it. Home may not be as safe as it once was, but it's safer than here. I force myself to nod no again though.

I can't run away forever.

The rest of the day was a blur and I didn't really feel as though I paid attention. I think most of my teachers and classmates dismissed it, thinking that I was still sick.

I think that Tereda-sensei was telling Rika that he was proud at me for coming to school when I look so ill. I could almost laugh at the irony of that statement.

Before I know it I'm walking in between Tomoyo and Syaoran. They are walking close to me as if I might collapse any moment. I almost hate them for it. They come to catch me after I have fallen so far.

I sigh and shift my school bag from one hand to the other. I feel Syaoran make a reach for my hand but I brush him away. I look away from him but I can feel his hurt radiating silently.

My heart feels torn. I want to touch him so badly, to have him hold me till the hurt goes away, but I'm afraid that if I touch him I going to taint him.

Taint him with the fear that wasn't there just a few days ago. Taint him with the nightmares that never leave. I love him so much, but I can't let my impurities bring him down.

I pull away even further than before.

That night as I lay in my bed, I considered waking up Kero for company. Then this bed that still had the stench of sex wouldn't be so toxic and the darkness wouldn't be so scary.

I hear a car drive past our house and see the light pass my window. Because of our fence the walls looks like a jail cell. A jail cell with no way to escape. It's like I'm trapped.

The lights are so bright though…

Why can't I be?


	4. Chapter Four: Wednesday

**This Time Imperfect**

Chapter Four: _Wednesday_

:---:

This morning I woke up screaming.

At first I couldn't really breathe and my back hurt. I found that I was curled up on the floor next to the phone and the Sakura card book. Kero was still on the cover because I had yet to awake him.

I continued screaming until Touya rushed into my room.

He had a baseball bat father had given him for his birthday in hand, and was looking around with a livid expression.

He rushed over to me. "What's wrong Sakura!" He practically shouted.

I freeze. Should I tell him? No, never.

Giving the best smile I have a whimper out that it was a nightmare. I was telling the truth, technically, just not the whole truth. A few minutes later I find myself in the shower yet again.

This time the water is freezing over my skin, making it tingle and go numb. I feel that tingle both inside and out.

What I didn't tell Touya was that my dreams were not the only things scaring her. I'm starting to scare myself.

I walk to the mirror after my shower, and for once it doesn't have steam on it. My dull green eyes stare back at me and I find that they have large bags under them. It crosses my mind that I should have been better prepared for something like this.

I knew I couldn't stay happy for ever… or did I?

I wonder to myself if I will ever be happy again.

:---:

I walk with Syaoran to school without eating breakfast.

My father usually makes and this morning Touya didn't make it so I decided I could do without it. I didn't really even say hi to mom either because I think she would be ashamed if she could see me.

I feel Syaoran's aura next to mine, and know that he is giving me worried looks.

This should comfort me, let me know that he still cares, but instead it makes me furious. How could he worry about my well being when I cheated on him? When I didn't stay pure for him and probably hurt him so bad! I fucking betrayed him and he still loves me…

Then I realize it. I'm going to have to tell him.

My throat chokes up and I feel his gaze deepen as my fists tighten. He doesn't deserve it! Not at all!

"Stop feeling sorry for me Li-San!" I cry out before I can stop the words.

He looks over at me his eyes wide and his body shocked. Li-san? We have been dating for so long and I have gone back to being so formal like it was when he first got here. I feel regret start to flood me, washing over the other feeling of self-pity. "Sorry, Syaoran-kun. I've-"

He cuts me off, "It's all right."

:---:

I stand in front of Tomoyo and shift my feet uncomforatably. She is talking to me but I don't really hear her. I find that our mindless chatter isn't really interesting anymore.

I think about how horrible I was in school today again. I guess the teachers know I'm not sick anymore because Tereda-sensei berated me for not paying attention. On top of that, things between Syaoran and I have been really awkward.

Tomoyo looks up and seems to realize that I'm not listening to her. "Sakura-chan?" She asks, cocking her head to one side.

I look over, a little startled. I give out a quick apology and try to smile. I see her smile but it's a worried smile. It's the smile she gives when she knows I'm being false.

Tomoyo grabs my hand. "Your brother called my mother today and suggested that you stay at my place for the next couple of nights."

I know I'm confused, "Why?" I ask.

She tells me it's because he's worried about her. That he's noticed she hasn't been sleeping very well at nights and that he cant really keep getting up at 3AM to come to her calls.

I'm hurt inside, but I don't show it.

I know that he doesn't want to take responsibility for me now that I've been introduced to reality and I'm not his genki little fucking sister.

I look at the ground and glare, not even really realizing it.


	5. Chapter Five: Thursday

**This Time Imperfect**

Chapter Five: _Thursday_

:---:

His hands are touching me again.

They feel cold, clammy, and I toss and turn to make him free me of this cage of torment. I feel myself screaming, "NO!" but know I am not making a noise.

As his lips come crashing onto mine, my eyes flash open.

It takes me a few moments to figure out that I am in Tomoyo's room. The Sakura book is sitting on the nightstand and the older clock is ticking quietly.

I lift my hand up and wipe the sweat off. I am panting, but soon my breathing becomes normal and I crawl out of the warm bed. I walk to the large window next to the bed and stare out at the stars.

The stars are so beautiful, but so far away.

They burn bright, but you never know if they have already been disappeared for thousands of years. That's how long it takes for the light to reach you.

Out of the corner of my eyes I see a light, and look down. I see two figures, one walking towards the front door and one standing on the porch steps.

Wondering who could be visiting at 1:02 AM, I turn to my door and step into my slippers. Opening my door quietly, I pad my way down the hallway. By the time I get to the stairs, I hear voices.

"I'm just so worried about her," Tomoyo's soft voice calls out. "She's really not acting herself.

Then I see brown hair. It's Syaoran. What is he doing here?

"I know. Today when we were walking to school she actually called me Li-kun like we were kids again. She told me not to feel sorry for her." He told her and I felt a pang of anguish at the tone of his voice. It was so sad, his mellow words tinged with the simple pain that he didn't understand what was going on.

Sighing, I place my hands on the wall and wonder if I should call down to them.

The thought passes me but doesn't go anywhere as Tomoyo puts her arms around his torso. He places his arms around her shoulders and the small feeling of anguish distorts to anger. I feel myself shaking.

After a couple moments of my whole body contorting in pain, I come to the insane conclusion that Syaoran is cheating on me. But why? I thought he loved me… I love him so much… How could Tomoyo do this to me! Before my pained breaths become louder, I turn and practically run to the room, my eyes already cloudy with tears.

When I get there I suddenly feel as though this place is a cage. A cage of lies and untold truths. I rush over to my window and throw it open; taking the screen out like Tomoyo did when we would sneak out back in elementary school. Back then we would go on her roof but now I am flying out to escape.

I find myself on the window edge of the second floor. About four feet below me is a ledge so I pull myself down.

The freezing air nips at my bare skin. I am only wearing the light pink tank and sweats that Tomoyo let me borrow. I look down at the ground and feel myself jump before I let worry take over me.

My knee hit the ground hard but I flew up and ran to past the security guard. I knew the security guard, Eizo Kondo, since my younger days. He knew that I liked to take walks to clear my mind so he let me fly past him without even stopping.

I feel my legs going; I'm running, running forever.

It never occurs to me why I'm running; all's I think about is Syaoran. Am I stupid to not see that he was cheating on me? He would never cheat on me… He loves me, doesn't he?

He has to…

My mind tells me that I'm not worth his love. I'm now an impure slut. I figure that maybe I should just sit back and let Tomoyo and Syaoran have each other! They both deserve to be happy… But when the final day rolls around, I wonder if I could just let him go like that, Syaoran walking away hand in hand with Tomoyo.

My lungs start to burn. My chest hurts a lot but I ignore it.

All I can think is that I love him. I love him so much!

_: His hands are all over me._

_Dirty…_

_Dirty…_

_**Dirty…!**:_

By the time I am brought out of my painful memories I am running through woods, wind and branches pricking my flesh. It stings horribly, but it's nothing compared to the pain in my heart.

I finally reach soft sand and find it hard to run.

My ankle snaps and I fall, barely having enough time to put my hands over my face. I hear the sound of waves and realize that I'm on the beach about three miles away from Tomoyo's mansion.

The sand is really cold…

My ears are ringing…

Again I know that I'm almost innocent.

:---:

I know, I know.

Syaoran cheating on her is an insane conclusion to come to after she just sees them hug but still, Sakura is in a very fragile at this point and her heart is just waiting for more hardships to come.

Please review though!

**Skyo**: Here are the updates you wanted!

**Lady Akina**: I know she should tell them, but she is really afraid of what they might think. Sakura has never experienced something like rape before so now she doesn't know what to do… She is angry, but she is starting to think that she deserves it… Thank you for your review!

**Czee**: Yep, this is basically the week after the horrid experience! I hope you like the plot turns I have!

**Tanwen-Whitefire**: The reason I have a prevailing theme of rape in my stories is because stories turn out better if you relate them to personal experiences. If you just guess on things they are horrible. Some of the flashbacks are actually my memories or memories my friends have. I also love writing darker things, because I'm more of a regionalist writer. Thank your for the great review!

**Fiona-Angel**: I'm glad you like this story too! I wanted to write something besides Inuyasha for a change!


	6. Chapter Six: Friday

**This Time Imperfect**

Chapter Six: _Friday_

:---:

When I first regain conciseness, I notice that my body is numb. I cannot really feel anything until a wave a water crashes on my bare feet. The water is not just cold, it is freezing.

My eyes open and I see sand. The sun is shining and my hand is blue.

Sitting up I see the brilliant blue ocean.

I know, not by looking around but by instinct, that no one is on the beach. It is September and that time of year has gone and passed. That time of happiness has been tainted now.

I pull myself up to a sitting position and my ankle aches. I look and see the way my foot is bent in an odd way. Reaching down, I force it straight, crying out loudly as I do this.

Tears sting my eyes as the pain and soreness jolts my brain awake. I see that my arms had cuts and slashes from the trees, and my knee is bruised from me jumping out of Tomoyo's house.

As I look around this beach, I see myself as a little girl.

I see me and Touya in the waves, him trying to teach me to swim. I see my father laughing well holding the picture of my mother so she can see us too.

I see myself and my class at another beach, another time, playing volleyball. I remember that was the same class trip that she captured the Erase Clow card. I feel myself yearning for those old days.

As I stare out upon the mellow waves, if I try hard enough, I can see Syaoran standing on the edge of the ocean, hand stretched out towards me, smiling just like he did a little while after we caught the Hope card.

I feel a sharp cold wind hit my arms though, and those warm days vanish with the winter. I heard footsteps come towards me and can feel the aura's of who it is.

By the time they sit next to me, I have already called out their names…

"Kero…Yue…" I feel Kero's strong sun magic to my right mix with Yue's cool moon magic to my left. Kero is in his true form for once.

" A lot of people are worried about you." Kero states, trying to put a guilt trip on me. I can feel that he is really worried about me though because he scoots over to me hoping to give me some heat. My feet and hands are so badly tainted blue and I figure my lips are as well.

My skin is also very pale because I had not eaten all yesterday.

"Tomoyo was in hysterics, the brat looked like he was about to die and your brother was sitting on the couch, biting his fingernails…" he continued.

"Your father even came back from Europe early because he could tell something was wrong even before Touya called him." Yue finished for Kero.

"You could tell I was ok…" I whisper, my voice sound foreign to me. It sounds weak and hoarse.

Yue was now looking at me. "No, we couldn't."

I look over at him. "I couldn't feel your aura at all last night. I went to Tomoyo's house and found that you had not woken Kero up for the past couple days. You were missing though." Yue stated.

"We thought you had died." Kero whispered painfully. If I could have felt anything, I'm sure I would have felt as though someone had shoved a sharp metal knife down my throat and torn my stomach out.

"When we went downstairs we found Tomoyo and Syaoran sitting on the couch, talking. I think that Li-san almost died when we told him you weren't there and we couldn't feel your aura." Yue told her, folding his hands over his knees. His long silver hair was whipping in the wind gently. I glared and turned towards the ocean.

"Like I give I fuck." I forced out, my voice so bitter I knew that this couldn't be me. I could never talk to my guardians this way… never. Yue looked over at me blank but I knew Kero's eyes were wide.

"I don't deserve Syaoran or Tomoyo. I don't deserve either of you!" I shouted, my voice cracking with emotion despite my best efforts to keep it monotone.

"Why do you think that?" Kero asked.

I chose now to stay silent. Should I tell them?

"Kero," I whimper, "this isn't me." Yue stared at me wondering what I meant. If it literally was just a copy or it was just a figure of speech. I couldn't really tell him myself because I wasn't that sure.

"Just one week ago I was the genki girl, and nothing could bring me down. I was standing atop a pillar of innocence. I had my Syaoran-Kun, you both, Tomoyo-Chan, and my family…"

My eyes started to distort with tears. I didn't bother to wipe them away.

"What happened?" Yue asked in that insensitive but caring way that only he could pull off.

"I fell."

_: The walls of the white hospital have no flaws._

_  
They are perfect, smooth. I see the old doctor tell my father I'm not a virgin. I see him look angry and run out, leaving Syaoran standing behind him._

_  
He is asking me why… why…_

_Syaoran finally turns away. I watch him walk out of the room and never look back. The door shuts and everything shatters, breaks. The walls are no longer perfect or smooth. They are chipped and stained grey. Everything turns pink…_

_  
"I don't know why.":_

I can't stand being by them anymore.

Their pity isn't only in their voices, it's in their auras and scents. I force me feet up and stand, tipping a little. Yue catches me but I pull away. "I have to go to school." I say, not knowing what to do.

I can't go home; I can't go to Tomoyo's. I know that everyone probably finally hates me because of the stunt I pulled. That is good though, because it will lesson the pain they will feel when I finally give out the truth. I will have to tell someone at some point.

All this pain that's been harboring inside of me feels about ready to burst and I cannot take it. I finally collapse over Kero's warm fur and wrap my arms around his neck.

"Oh, Kero-chan!" I cry out, feeling weak and vulnerable, "It hurts so bad!"

I feel a hand on my back and Yue's voice asks me, "What does?"

By now I can't breathe again because of the tears. "My heart!" I sob, "My body… it feels like he is still touching me!" I didn't realize I had let this information slip until it was too late.

I feel Kero's neck go ridged underneath me and Yue's eyes narrow.

"Who?" He asks.

"I don't know who!" I practically scream, letting go of Kero and stabilizing my weight on my wrists. I watch as the salty tears hit the even saltier sand and disappear just like they were never there.

"My brother had a party, remember Yue? Yukito was so drunk and I made Kero go back in the book… He came to my room well I was sleeping…"

Kero was now downright wild. "Someone has dared to touch my master!" He yells out, "Some bastard hurt you?"

I flinch and whisper "Who would ever love someone as impure as me…?"

Before I completely blacked out because of pure exhaustion I could tell that Yue looked absolutely pissed and Kero was trembling with Fury. For some reason it always felt like they were mad at me though…

I knew though, that I deserved their hate as well.


	7. Chapter Seven: Saturday

**This Time Imperfect**

Chapter Seven: _Saturday_

XxX

When I wake up I don't feel much.

My body just feels like a dull throb of nothing. In the distance I hear a soft beeping noise which tells me that I must be in a hospital.

Everything is white, but flawed, just like in my daydream.

I slowly regain the feeling. It feels like someone is pinching my flesh hard and jabbing needles into my feet. I ignore the pain though and look around.

It takes me a few moments to realize that there is someone sitting in a chair next to me. It takes me even longer to know that it's my father… I don't think I have ever seen him look so old before. Like he had just died…

"Dad?" I whisper, finding myself almost choking on that small word. My whole body feels really tight and constricted. As if the Shadow Card had swallowed me up or something.

I see his eyes open and he watches me cough for a moment, wondering if I truly called out to him. Once my coughing fit dies down and I lay back once more, he stands up looking like someone has just saved his life.

"Why'ma I'ere?" I try to ask, but my voice comes out horribly blurred as if I'm one of those drunken teenagers at Touya's party.

He looks at me confused for a second, "Don't you know?"

I shake my head not trusting my words. "Yue found you on the beach. They said they found your aura sometime early this morning. For a while though… we couldn't even feel your presence at all." He said, very gravely.

I look off and once again regain memory of what has happened. The last week goes off in a blur like pages of an old book I read in my primary school years.

"I thought Erio'ave you 'ose powers su'ou could'ense me." I stuttered, referring to when Eriol split half of his powers with my dad. For some reason though my slurred words angered my dad though.

He stormed out of the chair he had just sat back down in and his eyes were blazing. I found that I didn't care as much as I should have though; I was feeling rather lazy of the situation.

"Sakura! We thought you were dead! How could you do that to us!" He cried, his hands waving. I heard commotion outside the door and Yukito's voice was ringing; _"Hey, I think Sakura is awake!"_

I looked away from my father. "Did 'ey say any'ing else?" I asked.

"Who?"

"Kero… Yue…" I responded, still looking away. What if they told him already? What if Syaoran already knew about me not being faithful to him? I felt myself starting to breath heavy and the steady beep on the machine got faster. I started to try and sit up.

My father looked worried so he quickly pushed me back onto my pillow. "No, they didn't say anything else." He told me quietly.

I obeyed him and fell back, the pillows engulfing my whole body. I felt really warm again, as if I was back in my dream. I don't know why but knowing that no one knew yet was so comforting. I felt my eyes get really heavy again and would have fallen asleep but the door opened and Tomoyo, Yukito, and Syaoran walked in.

They all looked so worried, but Syaoran's face still echoes in my mind. His eyes rang dark and his eyebrows were together in worry. Tomoyo's eyes looked red like she had been crying.

When did they start caring about me so much?

I gave them a soft smile but Touya walked in. He looked like he hadn't slept in days… He walked over to me, grabbed my hand, and let his hair run over his face so I couldn't see his eyes. His hands were trembling.

"Touya?" I asked, softly.

"I know Sakura." He said, and I felt my eyes widen. I knew just what he was talking about. I felt fear rise up in me. Would he tell everyone? No, NO! He couldn't.

I pulled my hand away from his and turned my back to him. I know I shouldn't punish him but he CAN'T tell them. Never! That would be forcing them to pity me.

"How?" I asked, right now really only capable of one word sentences. I was scared… really scared. Yukito was over to my left and Syaoran was at the end of my bed well Tomoyo stood next to my father.

I knew they were all wondering what Touya was talking about.

"I found out from a friend."

Yukito looked down at me and could tell I was about to cry. He forced a smile; "It was a person we had never know."

Fujitaka stepped up next to Tomoyo. "What are you guys talking about?" He asked, looking really angry.

"Sakura, well, Sakura was-" Touya started, only to be cut off by Yukito. He held up his hand.

"I think that's not your thing to tell." Yukito said, looking down at me. This surprised me a bit. How could Yukito know I was so afraid of them knowing? I would later find out it was because of the look on my face. He told me that I had looked petrified.

Sitting up again, I suddenly felt really tired again. Well, not exactly tired, more or less woozy. Like everything was spinning back and forth. Looking up at Syaoran, he was at my side in an instant, only that's not where I wanted him to be.

I didn't want to tell them… But, I had too.

I'm not really a person who keeps their feelings bottled up inside. I can't help but tell others. I was scared shitless, wondering if Syaoran would reject me for Tomoyo, if my Dad would disown me or something… But when I thought about how scared I was, I remembered how worried they were.

Maybe they could help this. Just… Maybe.

So I decided to tell them. I took a deep breath and tried to ignore my heart telling me not too. I looked straight at my knees for a good minute, before confessing loud enough for everyone to hear…

"I was raped."

XxX

**3 Months Later**

Sitting up in bed I smiled at Syaoran.

We were sitting on my bed, and we had been playing that racing car game of Kero's. It had started out innocent enough, just him saying that he could beat me at any video game, now it was an all-out winner-takes-all championship.

He leaned forward and bit his lip, I giggled. I pressed the X button on my controller that sped my car up. He growled softly, and the finish line was in site. "I'll get you!" I yelled at him, throwing my car to the left and making him swerve off course.

I screamed out, "Victory!" as my blue car passed the finish line. Syaoran put his hands over his eyes and cried out a little no, flopping back onto my bed.

Tomoyo walked into the room with three glasses of tea, smiling the whole time. "I take it you won, Sakura-Chan?" She asked. I giggled and gave thumbs up.

Syaoran threw me a mock glare, "I totally let you win." He told me, and I threw my arms to his sides, making him squirm. "As if!" I shouted, tickling him a little harder. Just his luck that Syaoran happened to be one of the most ticklish people I knew.

Tomoyo and I were the only two people to know that. Tomoyo and I started laughing until Kero's voice screamed loudly, "I'm trying to sleep!"

I laughed and looked over at the clock. 2:17PM.

Looking at Tomoyo I smiled, but I felt the joy in me die down a little. 'Mellow out, Sakura…' I told myself.

I can't believe it's already been 3 months.

After I told everyone about what happened, life got a little easier to bear. Touya was still really very guilty about it, and because he blamed himself my father never grounded him. I found that Syaoran didn't reject me, but let me cry in his arms.

He never got tired of holding me, watching me blubber and cry. Tomoyo had also been so supportive, and when Yukito and Touya found out who raped me, a man named Naraku Motagawa, they both (with Syaoran) has almost killed him.

"Sakura-Chan?"

Syaoran's voice interrupted my thoughts. He was now standing in front of me, holding his hand out to me. "We promised Rika and Naoko that we go to the movie, ne?"

I smiled and took his hand, letting him pull me up.

It was a beautiful day… the sun was warm, and the trees were beautiful again. Looking at my friends, I couldn't help but feel happy. I wasn't alone.

I know that I could never forget what happened, and that I could never forgive Naraku for doing that to me, but I could move on. I reached over and grabbed Syaoran's hand, smiling up at him.

He leaned over and kissed my cheek.

Life was a dream again, but this time, I wouldn't have to worry about waking up from it. This time, I didn't have to worry about being imperfect to pure. This time, I could be myself.

Time is short, but I will live what time I have to the fullest I swear…

That's all that really matters.

**END**


	8. Chapter 8: Translations

Hello Readers;

I've been translated! It is such a big honor for me, but the wonderful people from Sakura Translators have translated my story into French!

If you would like to see it this is the ID number for the story: 3147981

Thank you for supporting this project!

DXM Junkie


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